February

*Disclaimer to this post: I’m mostly writing this because in a few years I want to look back and remember what life was like, what I did, and I how I felt. Read and enjoy but my apologies if it doesn’t quite make sense to you*

February was hard. A very rainy month filled with weeks of stomach problems. I definitely battled a lot of hopelessness with so many questions that fell flat. Im convinced that the two of the most painful experiences a human can go through is unmet needs and unprocessed pain. It is devastating if there’s even a word I can use to describe what it’s like. All day long my heart dreams and my mind is like an interrogator to question everything my heart longs for. It’s an exhausting war; head vs. heart. We all live out of the experiences, traumas, and triumphs from our youth and our current stories we are walking out, which is equally beautiful and difficult. I’ve been asking myself a lot lately what the balance is between seeing healing in my heart vs. loving myself as the human I am; all the parts. Loving the messy, the broken, the fearful, the passionate, and insecure parts of me. Will healing ever come? How does it come? What’s my role in it? Does God actually come through like he promises? Can I trust my heart again? What would happen if I just take the risk and pursue my dreams? Is God disappointed in me? Will He ever show up? These are all the questions I think daily. The conclusion I am coming to is that I was put on this earth to create beautiful things filled with truth and authenticity. The world will try to stop me from fully being me but I can’t afford to not be. I need to follow my dreams, and pursue the people I love, and hope I find some answers or peace along the way. As for the photos this roll was mostly the day to day mundane which I love. I want to look back and see the quiet less extravagant parts of my life that years from now we mostly forget. This roll is everything from a surprise visit from two of my dearest friends Soph+Johny Bananas, to my roommate and our nightly routine; her sipping wine, us watching a very below average TV show (Drop Dead Diva), and me falling asleep half way in (it’s like clock work). There are some surfs with friends, the beautiful orange tree I pass every day walking to work, power lines and palm trees, and more. Lastly, the two songs I’ve been listening to non-stop this month: “Miracle Love” by Matt Corby and “When the party’s over” by Billie Eilish. Feel free to listen to while you read and scroll. Oh! and I leave for New Zealand in few days. Cannot believe it’s finally here. I have 0 expectations but so much anticipation of beauty that will come. I bought 6 rolls of film so lets just say there will be a very long “March” entry.

January

January was quiet. It was sprinkled with fullness and many emotions. It felt lonely at times, hopeful in others. Lots of questions; not many answers. Peace and rest have begun to flood in while I begin to let go more and more. I’ve included a whole roll of film in this post from start to finish. I haven’t deleted the blurry photos or the ones that aren’t super put together. Some you see are mundane, some are full of laughs. Some speak only to me and others may speak lots to you. Behind these photos are moments; loud and soft. Music, scents, dinner parties in yurts, surprise finds of redwoods in Santa Barbara, our friends new van purchase, beach days with Meredith, random dogs, between takes in the studio with John, new friends, the best tacos, and more. Scroll through, wonder, let them speak, or forget about this post altogether. *most enjoyed while listening to “Palemote” by Slow Meadow*

Plant Moms

Liv

Liv

Shea

Shea

liv+plants-6.jpg

Liv is one of those people that you know you can trust. We met a while back through some mutual friends and have clicked ever since. Mostly our friendship consists of one of us calling the other when we are in each other’s respective city randomly asking to hang out. Yesterday was one of those days and of course I dropped my plans to hang with Liv. Last night we ate vegan pizza and drank cider with some gals in the hills of Montecito overlooking the ocean. It was the first time since moving back to Santa Barbara that I have felt a sense of community and that meant a lot for me. Surrounded by rad women just enjoying the moment (and the pizza :)). Liv then challenged me to a life or death ping pong game and despite my power back hand…I lost. I know I know…I was just as shocked. This morning we walked to my favorite coffee shop, chatted about our dreams and goals in life, and then made our way to the farmers market with the intention to buy fresh groceries. We got there and soon realized that we wanted plants instead. We walked around tasting fresh medjool dates from a local farm, honey mead, goat cheese, and more. Each stand is ran by a beautiful soul with a beautiful story and I came alive as I talked to each one. There is so much vibrance around us if we wake up to step out of our own box and see someone else’s. I left with more than just a plant today. I left with a fullness that I haven’t had an a very very very long time. I started to remember things that bring me joy and why I light up at certain times around certain people. Liv, you are a gem. Not only a true friend because you carried my avocados in your bag all morning for me but because you listen, you care, and you have a heart full of kindess. Thanks for 12 hours of being revived again. Thanks for finally finding your car keys so we didn’t have to look anymore:) Cheers to today!